I think I might be possessed. I've been acting out lately. I ran away from home and I punched my dad...
I think I might have a troubled spirit trying to take over.
First, are you sure that the troubled spirit is not yours. You have had such a lot going on in such a short time, you have changed your medication, become a cheerleader with all the fluffy energy that brings, lost a boyfriend and found another, awakened and found all of us nuts. Is it possible that you have been suppressing some feelings that are coming out in ways that are out of your control.
You have to be honest, totally honest when answsering that question. You should be able to tell by an honest examination of how you were feeling at the time. You may have been horrified or shamed or confused by your behaviour but did it have the 'flavour' of another entity.
Posession is something very unique and it leaves a flavour in your mind like food leaves a flavour in your mouth. It is like coming home to find your house has been broken into, It is a violation something from the outside forcing its way in. Even if it is a planned posession done with permission there is still the element of violation involved and still the flavour left.,
Do you feel that someone else has been looking out of your eyes, someone else has left their scent on your mind?
If you are certain that it was a posession, and I have to say that given what you have said about being and empath and building your shields against that I would think it unlikely that anything would be able to breach that without focused intent and some violence, then you there are a number of things you can do.
You could try to follow the trail that the being has left to identify it and try to communicate with it to see why it needed you so badly. Or you could concentrate on strengthening your shields so that it cannot get through again. Or you could concnetrate on the message it was trying to give by preciitating the bhaviour it did. Or all three.
I hope that helped a little but feel free to ask if there is anythign else you think i might be able to do for you
It most likely is the surpressed feelings. To be honest, I hadn't thought about all my pressures and pains. My mother thinks there is something wrong with me so at the time possession was the first thing to come to mind after hearing her ask what was wrong with me.
I don't feel like I've been breached maybe I'm just lashing out like any normal teenager who has things going on...
I would think that maybe a vampire teenager's lashing out could probably more misunderstood by parents because of the whole "don't tell daddy" mentality...
I dunno, maybe I'll find out soon enough...
All teenagers hit out Cyne, and with your involvement with your parents scting like you are out of your head and your connection with us lot it is no wonder that you are feeling that you are posessesed. And the truth is that you might well be posessedm by your own pent up emotions You should try to release them even if it is only shouting at your teddy all the things you would like to say to your parents, teachers, friends, the world whoever.
Cyne, I had the EXACT same problems with repressed emotion when I first awakened. Of course there are many other factors involved (especially in the teenage-years). If you don't mind I'll share a couple of incidences:
My mother carried me with her to the most malevolent clothing store ever created (Bergners). While there, I was a ball of suppressed anger, at her (for restraining my priviledges to see my best friend), at the world and at some elegant ladies very much over-doused in perfume. I allowed it to build, not saying a word, just listening to every nonsensical busy-body comment made by those ladies! Their perfume clouded my nose and mind so I couldn't think straight. Eventually I had had it.
I literally RAN from the store into the sunlight, which was quite blinding. The rage overtook me and I couldn't think any longer. I THREW my body onto the concrete sidewalk and started screaming. I imagine I looked posessed.. haha. Looking back it's quite hilarious, but it was absolutely HORRIFIC at the time. I entertained the idea of demons for my own sanity, then blamed it on my vampyrism and finally accepted that I was just INSANE... which I realise now I'm not.
I hope this helps! Now when I feel the 'primal rage' building, I either take it out on the dancefloor or just beat the tar out of pillows and bite things... Which I imagine is quite theshow, but it helps. I'm sure there are better ways to deal with it, like TALKING, but I like violence too much..
-DI-
edited b/c I spelled store 'stoor'.. haha.
I took a communication class at school but I still can't talk to my parents. If I tell them anything I will end up in the crazy house for sure (It's down the hill, at least I'll be close to home) and this will be me >>>
I don't know why but I go in and out of the rage phase. Each time it gets worse. When I was little I used to get mad at classmates and hurt them or try running out the gates then I would mellow out. Then around 11 I would run away from my sister when she tried to take me to school and I would get hit with the belt alot then I mellowed out. Now I'm in it again. I don't know why but I have these stupid in-and-out phases of being a real b****.
Hopefully these phases will go away altogether. I hate getting punished. But also It could be all the medication I'm taking. I'm on three different prescriptions and a diet medication. They might be reating negatively and making me act this way now...
It's quite possible.. a lot of medications cause weird reactions with hormones and things in the body. However, I have one other possible explanataion.
I am in contact with another vampyre. He and I are quite good friends. Both of us seem to identify with primordial rages now and again. I don't know if this is a common thing amongst vampyres (if anyone else wants to chime in, this would be a good place!
, but we share the trait. It is the urge to kill, to see flesh torn open, the pained faces of the victims and blood flowing through the fingers. (Please forgive the horrible details)
I don't know if it's vengeance or a hunter's anguish caused by thirst. I cannot speak for him at the moment, but I have had such feelings for as long as I can remember, some times better than others. It has generally gotten worse with my awakening and becoming, but is a completely different feeling from my little 'Bergners fit'. When it happens I know exactly what I want to do, accept it and control it.
Could the two be similar?
I have the rage as well. When i close my eyes and feel within myself i can find that endless pit of rage and anger. it's a fire that eternally burns within my spirit. From it i have been able to get the strength to overcome great obstacles, but it also has caused me to cause great pain. My fire is always tightly controlled. If i let it fan and flame without a watchful eye it heats to the point of madness and i lash out at everything and everyone. I see blood and dream of slashing into the faces and bodies of those who suddenly offend me. When this sort of feeling hits me i hide from the world, hurting pillows, beds and sometimes breakable things. I draw and i sing and i dance and i write in order to feed the fire into something else. give the energy a new form so i no longer harbor such animosity. It is a fire that you must control. when i was younger i had no control. I attacked my friends and family. I made them bleed, made them cry. I broke their hearts, bruised their souls and sometimes injured them physically. I have always been one to attack emotionally as well as physically. Every time i emerged from my rage induced haze i would hate myself just a little bit more. I withdrew from everyone, learned control and yet i still can't get close, still can't open myself much to others for if i do it lets a bit of that anger out and it can follow that pathway to the person that i've opened to.
So now i contain my anger, keep most of myself shut off from everyone, and i use my anger and irrational hatred against those who i don't have to feel guilty for hurting. I am not ashamed to say that i am a sadist. I enjoy the hunt, i enjoy the struggle, and i enjoy causing pain. But i do not enjoy causing harm to those who trust me to keep them safe. I know i would not be able to over come certain things if i didn't have so much anger inside of me, but i also know that i have hurt innocents because of it as well. And not just in this life.
maybe it is because we are caged? maybe it is because i am an animal whose only desire is freedom. I cannot be completely free. The logical side of me accepts this. but the side of me that is emotion and instinct has trouble with this. it wants to fight, bite, claw, destroy and overcome until it is free of everything and everyone. Maybe the size and structure of what i am does not fit in the reality that cages it and so it stirs in anger because it is not what it desires to be.
or maybe i'm just talking crazy. either way. i feel it too.
whiskers
katie
I think we are caged a little to much too. I hate not being able to let people I love know about me. I hate not being able to say anything about it to my mum. I love her so much but I can't even tell her that to her face. Three little words "I love you". No matter how much I want to tell people those words I can't say it them. I can't tell them. I will end up hurting them. I will end up killing them slowly with my actions. People think I'm jaded but I push them away for protection. I want to save them by staying away. The human in me says "I want to love and be loved" but the beast says "kill them all" the logic in me says "keep them safe the only way you know how". I push them away no matter how close I want to be. I come up with ways like flirting and giving unnecessary gifts that guys hate to get. I do anything to make them go away. My logical me wants me to be lonely to protect people while the beast does it just to be evil. The human wants to bring them close, that's why I'm left hurt more then the person I end up hurting. I hate it, hate it, hate it!
i've been able to have 'friends' merely by the act of creating identities. I wonder... how many of us are actors? Do any of you have a knack for the stage? or at least assuming a character? All my life i've played different roles and so acting comes naturally since that's all i do. I am an actress. I pretend to be some one i'm not so i can have company, though they never know who or what i am to the degree that they will stay with me for longer than a year. I have a great many acquaintances, but very few true friends. I am a doppleganger, a face changer. I assume the role that will get me easily accepted, the role that will get me what i want, the role that is most needed of me. And i keep that role until i hate myself so much i push everyone that role associates with away. This is the only place i have been completely honest about who i am and how i think, mostly because i am not afraid that whatever inhuman thought that crosses my mind and i share you guys will be disgusted or frightened by. i know you'll accept me for my most inhuman thoughts because you accept that i am inhuman. I can tell my mother i love her, but i can't tell her what i am. I can talk to her about premonitions, but i can't tell her what i suspect i am, what i suspect my father is. she would not understand and the knowledge of what i believe would not make her happy. So i am content on attempting to make her happy or at least not sad. Now that i have this place and at least one person i can be honest to, i can hide myself from the rest of them with minimal regret...